Prepare Yourself

I've watched a lot of crappy bike videos on You Tube. Everything from Anquetil, Poulidor and Merckx, to reels of quirky crashes and amateur victories. The latter is well worth the effort. Usually grainy, shaky and laced with inappropriate and needless zooming, we the viewer get to watch a very happy amateur come rolling into a sparsely populated finish line and raise her/his hands in a tentative, almost embarrassed victory salute.

Tied for most-offensive genre in the You Tube world of cycling videos is the homemade descent snippet. A usually medium-length sub-section (as opposed to the lengthy, Trust-but-Verify camp's offerings), here (sound up!) we are not only treated to childish, comical and certainly laughable pre-descent jibber-jabber and man talk, but we are also awed by and envious of the sweet, sweet, pixelated sights captured by the video maker's new Gorillapod. More importantly, we all get to bask in the warmth that is their almost flawless descending style.

However, though entranced by the rush of the wind in our ears, and the thump of our quickening pulse, this Zen-like experience is interrupted by the incessant clatter of his camera against its incredibly flimsy mounting system. With an annoying, plastic chickering, we jar ourselves on down the mountain, as if just another loyal member of this roaming pack of lycra-clad Robin Hoods. We are the Merry Descenders.

Through countless and arduous battles, not to mention my inestimable skill skirting the tempests and fluctuations that comprise the matrix, I have discovered one of the finest clips to have graced the TFT display. In a word: I'm so fucking jealous I can't stand it. Sound up! (After countless, sustained viewings, I've only just begun to appreciate the true beauty of this video's title. Nothing less than genius.)

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